January Survival Tips

Forget about resolutions — let’s just make it through the winter.

For me, January is less about making resolutions and more about just making it through the month. We’re approaching the midpoint of winter, days are short and cold, and the holidays are over. The ground is frozen, and water troughs require daily beatings with a shovel. There’s frost on the hay bales each morning, and a cold moon shines down on the water tanks, re-freezing each night. Our entire lives are basically put on ice until spring.

Here are some January survival tips that I put together without the help of a single trained professional. But you’d probably be able to tell that, even without a disclaimer. So, heed them at your own risk. But if they work, I’d like to be credited with my name spelled correctly on posts across multiple social media platforms and/or cash. Thank you, and happy new year.

Move to Florida

Okay, this might not be an option for everyone. It’s not even an option for me. But I hear the weather is warm, and the scenery is beautiful, so if you head south, please post pictures so the rest of us can live vicariously through your tropical escape. Also, watch out for alligators. I hear they have a few of those in the Sunshine State.

They also have invasive iguanas, pythons and hurricanes. The air is actually breathable water, and you might find a snake in your toilet. Instead of Florida, head to Wickenburg, Arizona. They also have seasonal flooding, but at least you can team rope.

Go ice skating

Making lemonade from lemons is tastier, but this carries a greater risk of personal injury. Which is really what we look for in a wintertime sport, anyway — ever heard of skijoring? It’s when a person races a horse across a snow-covered course, towing a skier by a rope. It’s popular in Canada and the coldest parts of the northern U.S., where people tend to drink a lot in the winter months.

Visit a skating rink near you or pull on your slickest pair of cowboy boots and head to a frozen pond. Either way, bring hot chocolate for during the activity and Ibuprofen for the drive home.

Rewatch “Lonesome Dove” and “Tombstone”

I’m assuming most of you have already watched these classic Westerns. If you haven’t already seen them, slap yourself in the face. I mean, move this item to the top of your to-do list. Stop what you’re doing (unless you’re driving, which you hopefully aren’t doing right now, anyway), locate these titles on a TV near you, and devote the rest of your day to watching them. You’ll understand many commonly used movie quotes and finally be able to confidently tell a slowpoke, “Get on your horse, Jasper!”

Read a book

If only there were any good cowboy books published recently. Shoot, this one’s looking like a dead-end.

Oh, wait — I wrote a book! It’s called “Never Burn Your Moving Boxes” and is a memoir that starts when I moved to Nevada to work on a ranch and follows my family’s adventures across several historic ranches in various Western states.

You also can’t go wrong with an Ed Ashurst book. He’s a real-deal, lifelong-working cowboy who currently runs a ranch on the Arizona and Mexico border. He churns out books like I churn out children, except with less blood and screaming. Ed’s latest book is the final installment in his “Stealin’ From the Neighbors” trilogy. Find his titles online or at a cowboy store near you.

I hope these tips help or at least take your mind off the long slog of winter. Happy reading, and stay safe on the ice, whether breaking or skating!

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